its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
