she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
