ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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