How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
