Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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