you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This baby is an asshole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
