Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
