she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
