I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
