it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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