It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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