tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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