at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
