There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
