How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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