whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
