A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
