Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
