I need help removing her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
