My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
two words...techno handjob
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
