What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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