I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
