It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
