you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
