The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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