He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
