Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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