Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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