i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
