kristin has been a bad kristin
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
