He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
