last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
