I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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