Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He felt like a one man threesome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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