I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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