Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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