So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
