and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
