"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
