Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
