i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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