Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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