Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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