I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
