i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
