He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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