I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
