I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
