You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
