Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
